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Others Were A Bit More Blasé About Having Sex For The First Timeĭione, 29, had a "meh" first time, which he says is because it's hard to be gay a "middle-class family." "I remember driving home with a big smile on my face, but I kept thinking, 'There's no turning back now.'" 5. "Surprisingly, there wasn't anything awkward about it, because he knew what he was doing and I was truly going with the flow, which helped me enjoy the moment even more," Marc tells Bustle. He was nervous, excited, wanted to get it over with, and "felt a sense of breaking free." He was still in college and closeted at the time. Marc, 38, had his first time was with someone he met online. Some Felt A Sense Of Liberation Their First Time I tried breathing heavier because that's what I saw in porn - that turned out to make me hyperventilate." 4.
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"It felt alright never got close to orgasm. "She rolled a condom on me and climbed aboard," Jack tells Bustle. He says "the whole thing was a big letdown" because he built up "losing it" to a point that was unrealistic. Pirates of the Caribbean played to cover up the noise. Jack*, 31, lost his virginity on the night before his birthday on a cold, linoleum floor. Some Felt The High Expectations Made Their First Sexual Experience Fall Short While the act itself wasn't that great for either of us, I still look back on it and get the warm-and-fuzzies." 3. "I specifically waited till I was with someone who 'felt right' to give my virginity to. "I did the stereotypical virgin thing: One, two, cum," Svan tells Bustle. Svan, 26, had sex for the first time with his "committed girlfriend of three months." He was excited, but worried he might mess it up. "It's scary, too - I was nervous about hurting her and potentially making her bleed." 2. "I put a lot of pressure on myself," Dante, 25, tells Bustle. Rattanakun Thongbun / EyeEm/EyeEm/Getty Images Some Felt Nerves The First Time More Than Anything Here's what 12 men's "first times" were like. And while there’s no “right” age to start having sex, and no inherent shame associated with a casual hook up, taking the time to be certain you’re ready for sex, and choosing a partner you know and trust for your first experiences have obvious benefits.Īnd while you may have read some wildly inexplicable firsthand accounts on Reddit that compare sex to both water bottles and skinny jeans, the commentary below is much more coherent. Plus, just a tiny percentage of the surveyed population had their first intercourse experience with someone they just met - two percent of female-identifying teens and 7% male teens. For another, 80% of teens used contraception their first time. In 2017, those numbers dropped to 42% and 44% respectively. In 1988, 51% of female-identifying and 60% of male-identifying teens reported having had sex. According to the CDC, teens and young adults are waiting longer on average. With these parameters in mind, flawed as they are, some of the data around first time sex is perhaps encouraging. Assigned-male-at-birth (AMAB) people who don't identify as men may have similar experiences. So when the term "men" is used here, it's in reference to cisgender men. But the concept of "virginity" is really based in the gender-binary and the experience of heterosexual, penis-in-vagina sex (PIV). It's important to note that not everyone who has a penis is a man - and not all men have penises. Some men don’t feel ready, but feel pressure that virginity is burden you ‘must lose.’"
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"And the truth is, not all men are, especially when it comes to losing your virginity. "There’s this message that you should be ready, willing, able, and wanting," Dr. Britney Blair, PsyD, CBSM, AASECT, a psychologist and founder of the sexual wellness app Lover, says that men actually have a "rough time" when it comes to cultural expectations around losing their virginity. On the other hand, men are often high-fived and considered to have "scored."ĭr. And, of course, the patriarchy claims that women become damaged goods once it happens. What is the first time like for guys? Our cultural understanding of "the first time" is extremely gendered and heteronormative women's first sexual experiences are often thought to hurt, and to create a lifelong obsession and attachment with the person with whom they "lose" their virginity. Having sex for the first time can be an awkward, intimidating, and overwhelming experience - but hopefully a positive one, too.